Sunday 22nd June, 1978

Dear diary, as you know, I’ve been living at the Mimehouse for a few years now and during that time I’ve usually avoided interaction with the other occupants. However, despite my dislike for most people (and naked mole rats), today I was forced to venture out of the safety of my own apartment…

There was no sign of the chocolate bucket in my room but I was determined to find it. I had no choice but to investigate the other areas of the building. This would be no easy task though. Mimehouse had always been an institute for people who were quite partial to mimes. However, during the past few weeks the old ways have been forgotten and Mimehouse had become corrupt and dangerous. I had watched the moral decline of Mimehouse through the keyhole in my front door. It was uncertain what kind of characters I would encounter….

I soon found the courage to knock on people’s doors and before I knew it, I was making conversation with humans. (If the other occupants weren’t so boring, it might have been a very exciting experience.) Anyway, not only were they extremely wearisome, they were also incapable of assisting me…

I kept moving from door to door as I was continuously met with the same unhelpful responses. Though I found the humans charming, they were also quite dirty, and this was totally unforgivable. Also, one of them tried to bite me. The corridor itself had an odd green carpet and it was full of damp wooden fixtures. I watched as gangs of naked people rubbed sauce upon the walls. Suddenly, feeling slightly overdressed, I removed my shoes and kept walking…

A few hours later, I found myself knocking on the door of room no.54J…

Butthole.

I had to keep moving forward. Even though I was tired and my feet were cold, I decided to visit this wizard person, he sounded like a guy with answers. I made my way up the narrow stairs and soon found myself standing in front of the wizard’s apartment. The phrase “walk like an ant” was inscribed in large capital letters upon the door which made me smile for some reason. Suddenly, before I could knock, the door swung open and I found myself face-to-face with a man with a wild and angry beard…

Well, what I could I do? I began to doubt myself. Perhaps chocolate wasn’t real. Maybe I had imagined it all. Confronted by the accumulating evidence, I struggled to accept that I lived in a world where chocolate didn’t exist. I really struggled! Lost, frightened and confused, I began to wander hopelessly throughout the desolate and decaying hallways of Mimehouse. As each foot fell sluggishly in front of the other, I felt the walls around me trembling with anguish. All the positive affirmations in the world couldn’t help me now…

I was not aware of it at the time, but my earlier attempts to find my bucket of chocolate had stirred up a fair bit of trouble and a few of the other occupants had begun plotting against me…

While they conspired, I had ambled up onto the roof with a fully-loaded teapot, a photograph of Steve the sock puppet and a whole four feet worth of sturdy rope. With my heart beating intensely, I stood close to the edge and looked towards the horizon as it slowly disappeared into the glow of the fading sun. As a light breeze swept gently across my face, I said to myself,

Soon enough, I went back to my room, sat down and ate the whole bucket of chocolate while watching several cats run around an old pile of sock puppets. Overall, it was a pleasant day but let’s hope that it never happens again.

Good Night.

(c) 2014 – Daniel Saunders